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If I'm not interested, then I don't feel bad that the gentleman spent a lot of money on a dinner," says Goetz, 34."People are too worried that they're not going to like the person they're meeting, and the drink is an easy hour if it doesn't work out."HIDING BEHIND TECHNOLOGYBeing time-efficient means text blasts for dates, says Ruthie Dean, 28, of Nashville, co-author of Real Men Don't Text, being published in September."Guys are using text messages to send the same message to multiple women.The daters, ages 21 to 50, give even greater insight into mobile behaviors and a new range of dating questions: Do you check your phone during a date? Should a friend call or text you to see how the date is going?Hearing someone's voice on the phone is still a key element for a relationship, yet people are increasingly more likely to rely on the relative "safety" of a text for initial contacts as well as keeping in touch as a relationship develops. Although the survey was commissioned by two niche dating websites — Christian and — their members did not participate.Among the findings:•Approximately one-third of men (31%) and women (33%) agree it's less intimidating to ask for a date via text vs.a phone call.•One in four say an hour is the longest acceptable response time to a text to someone you are dating or interested in dating; one in 10 expect a response instantly or within a few minutes.•More men (44%) than women (37%) say mobile devices make it easier to flirt and get acquainted."Texting is kind of an ongoing conversation. Maybe you're talking every day," says Alex Pulda, 27, who works in product research in San Francisco.
The rise of text in the world of dating is another indication of how much has changed in the way relationships develop.'Hey, do you want to hang out tonight.' They're kind of fishing for a response," she says.Dean, a Millennial who writes about her generation — generally born 1982 to 2000 — says, "We really see this generation as having a huge handicap in communication. We don't know how to express our emotions, and we tend to hide behind technology, computers and social media."People are uncomfortable using the phone. You can think exactly what you want to say and how to craft it."They have all the downsides and don't have the benefit of face-to-face communication. And part of it is, it's a lot more work than a text."Millennials' love of texting is rubbing off on other generations, suggests Naomi Baron, a linguistics professor at American University in Washington who studies electronically mediated communication.She says telephone calls are often thought of as an intrusion, while texting affords a way of "controlling the volume," a term she uses to describe the sense of control that text gives users that they can't get with a voice conversation."We tell ourselves we don't want to disturb someone.
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Drew Johnson has learned that when it comes to asking a woman out, texting beats calling every time."Most of the girls I've hung out with lately prefer a group activity rather than one-on-one," says Johnson, 30, a mechanical engineer from West Chicago, Ill., who plays bass in a band.